It was fun and games on the farm this afternoon. I decided it would be a good idea to try to catch the goose an hour ahead of my scheduled departure time and it's a good thing i gave myself that extra leeway. I have, however, satisfactorily demonstrated to myself at least, that even under extreme provocation, the geese will contemplate flight, but not initiate it.

First I walked them to one end of the run and tried to corner them, but they made a break for it and scuttled to the other end. Then they hid behind the shed. Then they made a break for the other end. I did one several occasions, manage to split my target bird from the pair, but she managed to scrabble back to their safety once more. Then I finally did corner them, and was approaching one step - long period of stillness - one step - long period of stillness etc when Shadow and Smidgen thought it would be a good idea to come down the other side of the fence and so startled them into flight once more. Then Smidgen decided that running around 'helping' me was a good idea meaning there was a danger of treading on him as I made my 'turn on a sixpence' revolutions after them. And Shadow got so excited he nosed his way through the gate, leaving it open so the gander escaped and had to be herded back into the run...

Eventually I placed a 44 beside the back of the shed and draped some bird-netting over the gap on the other side. On the first lap the geese scrambled up onto the 44 and were away before I made it round the corner. The second lap, the pair ran into the 44 and my target headed down the other end of the run. The final lap, the pair dodged the barrel and the target goose went headfirst into it. Finally, having trapped her, and pinioned her, and avoided having my face bitten off, discouraged the dog and the cat, and returned to base, I managed to stuff her into a feedbag, find her head and pull it through the hole I had made, tied up the other end and put her in the car. There she remained for the few minutes it took me to get out of my goose-poo stained clothes, into something vaguely suitable for the MacDonalds car park in Launceston, shut the remaining animals indoors so the cats were in before dusk as always (though I will pay for their early confinement tomorrow morning when they decide they need to go to the toilet NOW!) and drove up to Launceston, arriving in time to be able to pick up a bag of chips, go to the loo and return to the car to discover that the new owner had texted with details of her car. Located her, passed over the goose (who set up an appalling honking that will have the MacDonalds staff and clients talking for weeks) and drove home once more.

Hopefully by now she is stretching her wings in 21 acres of rural bliss somewhere near Sheffield, and making friends with the flock of spinster geese she will be joining.

I think I will be glad to see my bed tonight ...

It is amazing how little noise is emanating from the goose run tonight - no more squabbles one hopes ...